April fools day

    Hey you know what's comming? April fools day, yea. That's the day you can get away with all kinds of things like glueing the end of the toilet paper roll so the next person who has done everything but the paper work  goes nuts trying to find the end. Oh yea!! How about sneeking a pair of panties into you brothers bed so your mother finds them when she making the bed, let him explain that to your mom. That really bad.

    Ok lets not get carried away it's surpose to be just for fun, but you know some people deserve it, like the guy at work who is alway busting your beans. Go ahead and set him up. You can even leave him wondering who got him or let him know it was you, maybe he'll leave you along. 

    I heard that a radio station in San Francisco once put out a story that they were going to drain the bay and people could walk across it and people went all the way into thecity to see it, right, JENNY, HA HA

    As for me, well you never know, just don't let your guard down, HA HA!!!!

  

   

      

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APRIL 4th ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

    Well it's almost time for a 1 year aniversary, What aniversary? On April 4th 2005 President Bush presented to the son of Sargent First Class Paul Ray Smith of Florida the Medal of Honor.

     Sargent Smith was killed April 4th 2003 at Bagdad Airport. With complete disregard for his own life and under constant enemy fire Sargent Smith rallied his men and led a counter attack.  Seeing that his wounded men were in danger of being over run, and that the enemy fire from the watch tower had pinned them down,Sargent Smith manned a 50 calliber machine gun atop a damaged armor vechile. From a completly exposed position , he killed as many as 50 enemy soldiers as he protected his men.

       Sargent Smith leadership saved his men in the courtyard and prevented an enemy attack on the aid station just up the road.Sargent Smith continued to fire until he took a fatal round to the head.His actions in the courtyard saved the lives ofmore than 100 American soldiers.

       Sargent Paul Ray Smith is just one of the more than 2,000 soldiers who have been killed in Iraq, They say it's an honor to die for your country but their names are soon forgotten by most of us. Only their famillies and friend remember not just their name but the person they were.

       If you want to learn about other Medal of Honor recietients look under Medal of honor and put the date if you know it.

                                              

                                               

                                                

                                                

                                                 

     

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Unjust proposals

   Did you ever hear jokes about state employees like how many state employees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well if the governor has his way you be paying sixty dollars an hour to some contractor to do it?

   In his proposals he has things like not buying back sick time from employees who are retiring, not many of us have enough sick time to sell back due to illness.

   Cutting in half the amount of vacation time an employee can carry over from one year to the next, the fact is if the employee retires he'll only get paid for one years vacation time not two. Where's the saving?

    Replacing longevity raisers with performance bonuses, the only one that will get a merit raise are in the upper management people.

    Striking the the 20 year rule and removing the ability of an employee to bump another worker with less seniority during a work force reduction,extending probationary period, instituting performance evaluations, all are intended to take away any job  security the state workers have. These proposal would give the not only the governor but any department head the ability to abolish the job of any employee for any reason. The worker will have no protection.

    The governor also wants to eliminate over 400 state jobs, who going to do their jobs? Will the work they do magically disappear? In some cases the work will be done by a highly paid contractor. The fact that they make campaign contributions will have nothing to do with it, I'm sure but they don't contribute to the state retirement system either.

    As a state employee and union member how can we ever negotiate in good faith with the state again if these proposal are enacted. Like the governor the state employee serve the citizens of Rhode Island. We are not the department heads you see on the nightly news.These proposals don't affect them. We are the people you usually don't see, cleaners, institutional attendants, maintenance people, lower paid workers and we don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect.   

   

      

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Unjust proposals

   Did you ever hear jokes about state employees like how many state employees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well if the governor has his way you be paying sixty dollars an hour to some contractor to do it?

   In his proposals he has things like not buying back sick time from employees who are retiring, not many of us have enough sick time to sell back due to illness.

   Cutting in half the amount of vacation time an employee can carry over from one year to the next, the fact is if the employee retires he'll only get paid for one years vacation time not two. Where's the saving?

    Replacing longevity raisers with performance bonuses, the only one that will get a merit raise are in the upper management people.

    Striking the the 20 year rule and removing the ability of an employee to bump another worker with less seniority during a work force reduction,extending probationary period, instituting performance evaluations, all are intended to take away any job  security the state workers have. These proposal would give the not only the governor but any department head the ability to abolish the job of any employee for any reason. The worker will have no protection.

    The governor also wants to eliminate over 400 state jobs, who going to do their jobs? Will the work they do magically disappear? In some cases the work will be done by a highly paid contractor. The fact that they make campaign contributions will have nothing to do with it, I'm sure but they don't contribute to the state retirement system either.

    As a state employee and union member how can we ever negotiate in good faith with the state again if these proposal are enacted. Like the governor the state employee serve the citizens of Rhode Island. We are not the department heads you see on the nightly news.These proposals don't affect them. We are the people you usually don't see, cleaners, institutional attendants, maintenance people, lower paid workers and we don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect.   

   

      

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In the news, warning from scientist, Rumsfeld, thing are getting better.

    In the news, Scientist have warned fast food restaurants to keep their dumpsters closed to keep Sea Gulls from feeding on their garbage. The scientist state that the fast food the Gulls are eating is making them obese making flight almost impossible in some cases Gull have been seen walking in little jogging suits on high school tracks around the country trying to get back in shape also the increases the amount of methane gas in the atmosphere from Gull flatulance is affecting the Ozone layer.

   In other news, Donald Rumsfeld stated that there is no civil war in Iraq although things are not very civil and there is a war going on there. He also stated that things are going as well as can bee expected see as they have no dictator to keep them in line anymore.He said on big problem is that there is a lack of communication in Iraq because their voices can't be heard over all the expolsions and gun fire, but things are defiately getting better.

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Happy Aniversary

   Well I guess we've been in Iraq for 3 years now with almost 3,000 of our fine people killed,not to mention the thousands of Iraqi men women and children that have died . Happy Anniversary!!. I see this week we gave the the Iraqi forces a little Field training exercise, Operation Swarmer. I think it was more for show than anything else. Our government wanted to show us how improved they are and to show they'll be able to secure their country soon so we can pull out. 

   I see we're going to hold talks with Iran about Iraq. I'd like to hear what's said at that meeting. We'll probably ask Iran to cool it for a while so it will look like the Iraqi's can secure their country and we can pull out and when their new government falls we can say we gave them every chance. Not our fault.

   Why is our country the only one that tries to push our way of life on other countries? In Vietnan we were stopping the spread of Communism, their Communist now and not doing too bad in fact Communist China produces just about everything we buy and we let them buy up our debt. Imagine we spend so much money we need to go to other countries for help and what did our fearless leaders do this week, you got it they raised our debt limit. Brilliant! That's another reason we have to get out of this war, we can't afford it. I'm sure our great grand kids will think this war was worthwhile as they try to pay for it. They'll say thanks great grand pa for leaving us 8 trillion dollar of debt.

    I'm sure George Bush is looking back on the high lights of the last 3 years, the shock and awe, at the start the war, watching Saddam's statue coming down, landing that fighter jet on the air craft carrier and declaring MISSION ACCOMPLISHED !!!! and wondering , WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????

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Home land security warning

     In the news, a heavy cloud of Methane gas hung over Rhode Island today as Rhode Islanders celebrated St. Patrick's Day. The Department of Homeland Security issued a warning and baned the use of any open flames in or near any Irish establishments. A spokesperson stated that mixing cabbage and beer in the human body creates a volitile condition know as Mulligan's Revenge.

     Authorities reported that there were a number of small explosions reported around the city of Providence where patrons of Irish pubs had the backs of their pants blown out while passing  tables with a lighted candles. Most suffered no injuried except for minor burns to their buttucks.  

     Authorities also stated that another problem exist later on tonight when the once a year Irish people try to drive home after a day of partying so give them plenty of room and be careful if your going to be on the road tonight.  

      

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Nerds find their place

    What wrong with this picture? On Monday, March 13th, there was an article which stated that 75%of young people are ineligible for military service because they are obese, undereducated or drug dependent. It also stated that because there is more opportunities in the civilian work force from the improved economy many Young people are shunning a career in the armed forces. Excuse me, their not joining because there's a war going on. The so called great job opportunities has nothing to do with it.

     Maybe the Army should change the recruiting commercials to We're looking for only the best young people. Obese, uneducated, drug dependent people need not apply. Hell if it wasn't for them Germany and Japan would have won WW2. I guess with all the high tech, high priced weapons they don't need us. During the Vietnam War guy's had to go to Canada to avoid going to war. Today they just have to eat at McDonald's everyday instead of going to school. Lucky Bastards!! Do you know how cold it gets in Canada? Brrrr!!. How many guys arrived at the draft board wearing a dress, man, those high heels must be  murder on those size 13's, I heard it takes a week to learn to walk in those things, I wouldn't know. Some guys learned they really enjoyed wearing women's clothes and it change their lives forever.

    I guess that why Rumsfeld went to war with only 150,000 troops, where was he going to get the 400,000 the generals wanted? There aren't that many eligible young people if you weed, (did I say weed?) out the people with tattoo's. Yea, that another no,no. If you have a tattoos that is unacceptable, like a gang tattoos or one that's not cool like the heart with the arrow Thur it with the word mom some where, you could be one of the best but your not military material, sorry.

   So who does that leave who are eligible? Finally the Nerds of America have found their place in society, besides running for political office. Has any one looked at our Commander and Chief, there no one more ignorant , our Vice President is no light weight and Rumsfeld had to be on drugs to think the war was going to be over quickly. Maybe if the military would have used some of our fat , ignorant, druggies the war would be over by now. 

   

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In the news, Bush not up to the job, Zeppoles reminder.

    In the news, It's been learned from a reliable source that President Bush has not had sex since becoming president because he has what is known as the Pinocchio syndrome. It seem his nose grows every time he tells a lie and Saltpeter is the only treatment for it. Needless to say it's easier for him to give up sex than it is to stop lieing to the American people.

    In other news, The Italian Pastry Institute has issued a reminder to all Zeppole junkies that it's time to order your Zepploes for Saint Joseph's Day.

    The spokesperson for the institute Tony Fazio stated that every year pastry shops are inundated with phone calls on St. Joseph's day by people addicted to Zeppoles, who fail to order their Zeppoles in advance and most pastry shops sell out of Zeppoles quickly leaving the Zeppole junky without the tasty treats. Some even resort to rummaging Thur Dumpsters behind the shops in search of a taste of the custard on a wrapper or a tissue.

       

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In the news,Life Savers new product

   In the news, The makers of Life Savers today announced that they will be introducing a new product, Butt Freshener. They claim that Butt Freshener Life Savers will take the pew out of poo, just pop one in your mouth after your meal. That right, now you can eat all those foods you enjoy like beans, tarcos and cabbage and won't have to worry about embarrassing gas.

  Because Butt Freshener come in 5 different scent, Punkin, Peppermint, Apple and Spice, Cherry, Butterscotch, you will be able to sneak one out and people around you will actually enjoy the aroma. They might even ask you to do it again.

  Imagine driving in the car with you husband and he lights up a cigarette, just pop one in your mouth and push one out and the cigarette smell is gone. Simple as that.  

  Butt Fresheners were tested at President Bush's ranch in Crawford Texas at one of the President Bar BQ'S where his famous Bush's family chili was served.and it was a great success. The President was heard saying what that I smell ? Is it Cherries. Laura replied, no silly it me and my Butt Fresheners. A reliable source reported that the President and his friends spent the rest of the evening playing What That Scent and now the President carries them every where he goes. He says they come in real hand at some of his dinners in forign countries where he never know what his reaction will be to some of the strange food they serve.  

  Butt Fresheners will be available to the public on April 1st so you can play tricks on you friend.  

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In the news, case solved

   In the news, The Italian Pastry Institute Police have trace the counterfeit Zoppoles, found in San Francisco, back to Onleyville Rhode Island where the demand for Zeppoles on St Joseph Day is so great that people have to resort to buying French Crawlers at the donut shop and fill them with Cool Whip.

   The spokesperson for the institute stated that the French Crawlers, which were traced back to Dunkin Donuts in Rhode Island was the clue that helped solve the case. Officer Rocco La Fazia, a Rhode Island native, recognized the French Crawler Zeppoles from his childhood day in Onleyville and notified his superiors to the location of his Grand mothers house where the counterfeit operation was taking place.

   The police confiscated 2,000 French Crawlers and 100 gallons of Cool Whip. Grand Ma La Fazia was arrested and charged with possession of counterfeit Zeppoles with the intent to distribute. She was released in the custody of her son, Anthony La Fazia who stated that his Grand Mother is Innocent and that she makes the every year to give to the homeless italian people who can afford the real thing.She has no idea how the ended up in San Francisco. No trial date has been set. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

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2,300

    Well the number is 2,300, not the lottery number although it could be considered a type of lottery. This is the lottery nobody wants to win. It's the number of our military people, I won't call them soldiers because that term distance them from what they really are, PEOPLE. 2,300 Names nobody will remember. Sure their families will never forget them but most of us will never even know who they were, yet our government tell our young military people it's a great honor to die for their country.

     Did they really die for our country or are they dieing for our president and his gang, Cheney and Rumsfeld? What was our reason for going to war in the first place? WMD's, there were none. Saddam's nuclear weapons, none. Democracy or civil war? You can't bring democracy to people who are more interested in revenge and power than freedom.

    Are the Iraqi people better off now than the were under Saddam? Maybe the Kurds are, they're the only one that you never hear about but they don't really want to be part of Iraq anyways.

    Who are our military people dieing for then? They are dieing for a country who's people are killing each other, including their own women and children. No one is exempt from their bombs. Is that who our people should be dieing for?

     By the way, it's been almost 1 year since our president presented a military persons son with the Congressional Medal Of Honor, What was the military persons name? To find out look under Medal Of Honor, April 2005.

     

    

      

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     A study done by the Brittle Bone institute of Paduka, shows that Eskimo's have the lowest rate of injuries cause by falls on ice and snow than any other part of the population studied. Eskimo Seniors have fewer hip replacements than all other  seniors in their study.

   We know spring is just around the corner but if you act now you will also receive a pair of fur lined ear muffs valued at $18.75 and a subscription to Eskimo Monthly where you can learn the art of survival in sub zero temptures, Igloo building. and polar bear wrestling plus by ordering now you'll have all spring and summer to perfect your ice walking technique. When winter arrives and the snow flies you'll have the confidence to get out there to get that bread and milk even if you don't really need it.

    Get those checks in the mail today, supplies are limited. Send your checks to

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     In the news, the President was disappointed when he was told that New Delhi was in India and not a new sandwich shop down the street from the White House. He was over heard say, damn, I was all set for a Corned Beef on Rye and some of those Joshia Pickles. Oh well, while I'm there I can look up the guy I was talking to on the phone about my credit card and finally get it straightened out. 

    In other news, the Italian institute of pastry today issued a warning today. The spokesperson stated that there has been counterfeit Zeppoles showing up on West Coast. He state that two dozen were discovered in in a pastry shop in the North end of San Francisco. The institute has its pastry police out in full force to stop the spread of the counterfeit pastry.  

      

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