In the news, No laughing

    In the news, the International Union of laughers, the union that represents the people that you hear laughing on tv are going on strike at midnight. A spokesperson for the laughers stated that they tried negotiating with the net works but they absolutely refuse to put anything funny on tv. and our members are finding it increasingly difficult to laugh at the things the net works think are funny so at midnight our members will remain quiet until the network give them something to laugh at.

    The spokesperson for the net works stated that that as of midnight the American people will have to do their oun laughing. We are very sorry for any inconvenience but we just can't afford to hire writers that can actually write funny scripts every week but we will continue to negotiate and are willing to meet them half way.

   

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Three day of war

      Well after three days of war movie I'm ready to go out and kill every German, Japanese, Vietnamese, Arab, Chinese, Russian, Korean, Only kidding. In case the Inteligence Agency is watching my E mails, HA HA !!!!, 

      Why do they show all these war movies anyway? Are they trying to show how stupid we are by not learning from our mistakes? Maybe they want to show our young people have great war is and how marcho it is to have people, you don't even know, shooting at you ,trying to kill you.It can't be for the war veterans, they've been there and done that and most don't want to revisit it. I have to say though that the newer movies are a lot more realistic than the old WW2 movies. They kind of show war as it really is, but no movie can give you the true feeling of war, the fear of dieing and the horror of seeing your friends dieing around you. If that could be put in a war movie there would probaby be a lot fewer young  people willing to willing to put it on the line.

    Anyways, I think I'll turn on the cartoon channel and watch Spunge Bob Square Pants or some other foolish program aimed at 6 year olds.Maybe I'll get a good laugh out of it. 

     

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Under geat stress

     In the paper this morning was an article about some marines that killed 14 Iraqi civilians, actually there were more but the men were considered as insurgents. Sound familiar ? If you were around during in the Vietnam era, remember Mia Lie?

     Our soldiers are being killed by an enemy with no face. He could be any Iraqi, male or female. Our soldiers know that people in these neighborhoods know who's setting these roadside bombs and they won't tell either because they're afraid of the insurgents or they dislike the Americans. It was bound to happen sooner or later considering the stress these men are under.

     What makes this war different from Vietnam is that it's being fought by a volunteer army. During Vietnam there was a draft and most who served there only spent a year and was rotated out. In Iraq, some of our soldiers have been there two or three time and a large number of them are National Guard who are suppose to be part time, which adds to the stress because they have to worry not only about their families but their jobs as well.How many time can you tell your employer ,I've been activated again, see you in a year?

     So this Memorial Day let not just remember those who have passed on, lets also remember those who are doing more than their fair share and hope none of them will be added to the list to be remembered next Memorial Day.

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In the news, there's hope

      In the news, Surgeon General announced today that congress has approve a bill that will fund a program to help Americans that are addicted to gasoline. A spokesperson for the Surgeon General stated that if you think you are addicted to gasoline you should call 1 800 I NEED GAS

       The symptoms are : A heavy feeling in right foot while driving

                                     Fear of driving to work with someone else in the car

                                     Starting your car up and leaving it running for a half hour

                                     in your driveway so you don't have to get into a cold car,

                                     even in the summertime.

                                     Passing every car that get in your way because you think

                                     the car in front of you is winning..

    If you have any of the symptoms you should call immediately, 1 800 I NEED GAS.

           

      In other news, President Bush is feeling much better after a bout with food poisoning. He stated that it must have been something he ate at the dinner for the restaurant owners association at which he gave a speech about the new Iraqi government. 

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In the news, Herbie's advise, Bush;s solution

          In the news, Herbie Greenthumb, the landscaper for Green Acres home for the old and rich and also gives advise on lawn care for Home Depot says to make sure you used the extra strength Dirt Glue on your lawns today. He say the dirt glue will prevent your grass from jumping out of the ground tomorrow when the sun finally comes out. He says that the shock of the sun light after two weeks of rain may actually make your grass jump right out of the ground. Extra strength Dirt Glue, by Borden the makers of Elmer's petal and leave glue, should keep your grass in the ground.

        In other news, President Bush stated at a news conference today that he plans to ask congress for $60 Billion dollars to construct one thousand revolving doors on the boarder with Mexico. He stated that the illegal aliens will get caught in the doors and find themselves back in Mexico.

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In the news, two by two and letters to George?

      In the news, The animal control officer were to be called to Noah Ways house on Broadway in Providence ,R.I. today. Noah stated he had to call the officers because animals have been showing up at his door step, two by two for the last week. He stated it was OK when two cats,  two dogs even two rabbits showed up, he could handle it but this morning when two elephants showed up, that was the last straw.

     The Animal Control officer, Harry Mutts, stated that it's been raining for two weeks straight and there have been reports of animals blocking Route 95 north heading for Rhode Island. How the got Noah's address he has no idea but he thinks when the sun comes out Wednesday, let's hope, they'll head home.

    Mr Mutts had to leave to rescue a pair of Antelopes that were wandering around the east side near Thayer street. They were reportedly grazing on the grass near Brown University. 

    In other news, The Vice President at a news conference stated that since he requested on May 11th that people send letters of support to the president at his ranch in Texas, only two letters have been received. The President wishes to thank his Mom and Donald Rumsfeld and want to know why he hasn't heard from his Dad and his other supporters.   

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Scary capabilities

   On the news tonight they were talking about the telephone surveillance recording telephone numbers and how upset people are. I don't know about you but the fact that they have that capability scares me. If they can record millions of phone numbers and search them for patterns, what other secret capabilities do the have? What other secret program do they have going?

  The answer to that would probably surprise a lot of people. We have satellites, submarines and who knows what else ease dropping on other countries thousands of miles away. How easy would it be for them to use it on our country? Not just phone numbers but picture and conversations. Our military has satellites that can read a license plate and can listen to phone conversations from outer space. Do you really trust our government and the military with all this power? 

     

  

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In the news, keep those cards and letters comming

    In the news, President Bush will be spending some time at his ranch in Crawford Texas. It seem he is very depressed over he low ratings in the poles and thinks nobody likes him. Vice President Chenney  called a meeting of the President staff to come up with a solution to the problem and has decided to ask the American people to write letters of surport to the President to raise his spirits. 

   The  Vice President, at a news conference stated, Our President needs you. He is very upset over his ratings in the poles and needs the suport of the American people. The best way to show your surport is to send letters of encouragement. Please send your letters to,  President George Bush, Crawford, Texas. All letters will be kept confidential.

    In other news,  Father Time has decided to take Mother Nature away for the weekend for Mother's Day for a romantic weekend so this weekend there will be no weather and time will stand still.

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Happy Mothers Day.

     Well Mothers Day is Sunday, a day to say thanks mom for carrying me around for 9 months and pushing me out into the world even though I was nice and cozy where I was. Sure it was a little cramped in there but hey, there was no rent to pay, no electric bills, all my needs were taken care of. It was shocking as I poked my head out and saw these creatures with their faces covered with masks, one of them grabbed me and pulled me by the head to get me out and I won't forget the one who held me up and smacked my butt but it was all worth while when they gave me to mom, oh yea, My first meal was great, mom popped one of these out and stuck this thing in my mouth and stuff came out and I said to my self, hey this is good and when I looked, ok, she's got two of these things, GREAT.

     Before long, I realized something was definitely wrong, what the hell stinks around here, HOLY CRAP, IT'S ME!! It turned out that's exactly what it was. Anyways, mom took care of it and she wasn't mad at all, in fact she looked like she kind of enjoyed it. That made me feel a lot better because I figured if she could smile at something that smelled that bad she must really love me. Don't worry mom there's a lot more where that came from.

     Anyways, things turned out good, I got a great mom and all I have to do is lay around and look cute. The toughest thing I have to do is to wake up mom at two in the morning and tell her I'm hungry. You know what, for Mothers Day I think I'll let her sleep all night, THANKS MOM, Happy Mothers Day. 

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Tax breaks for the rich

      I was glad to see that that the Rhode Island legislature passed a tax bill that will help the wealthy people of Rhode Island, the people who really need it. It seems to me that there was a bill passed not long ago to reduce taxes on corporate bonuses and profit sharing.A bill that was suppose to draw new corporations to R.I. and perswade corporation to stay, keeping jobs and bringing new job.

     What types of job will they bring? Jobs that require college diploma's? What about us average people? Blue collar workers, we have to feed our families too. Why does our legislature cater to the rich? Do they think that money and jobs will trickle down to the little people? Well this is one of the little people who is getting tired of being trickled on. We don't need these big corporate job. We need job to feed our families and heat our homes. Maybe these wealthy people who get all the tax breaks will open their expensive home this winter and take in some of the people who have been trickled on and can't heat their own home. 

 

                                                 

                                                    

                                                     

                                                    

                                                   

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Happy Mothers Day

   Well Mothers day is just around the corner and it's time to wish some mothers a happy Mothers day. Happy Mothers Day to the CEO of Exxon for raising the price of gas so high I can't afford to go to work, to the guy who drives in back of me, while talking on the cell phone, when I'm trying to back out of a parking space, to  Wall Mart that sold me fertilizer and grass seed that never came up, not one blade, To the guy at the movie theater who charges $5 for 50 cents worth of pop corn and $3 for a Coke, to the State Trooper who passed me doing 75mph while a tow truck, with a car in tow, passed me on the right when the speed limit was 50 mph and last but not least to the Governor who want to balance the budget on the backs of us, State Employee's.

   If I missed any one you can add your favorites to the list and send it back. We all have our own special mother we can't forget on mothers day.     

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