IN THE NEWS

IN THE NEWS, A penguin that escaped from the Bronx Zoo in New york has been spotted in down town Providence. The penguin disguised as a teen aged male, wearing baggy jeans and ball caps was spotted by a person who wishes to remain anonymous. He stated that while picking his wife up at work he became suspicious when a person walked by in ball cap, turned to the side and baggy jeans with the crouch down around his knees. What gave him away was that he was waddling like a penguin. He said that he reported the sighting to the police but the penguin was long gone by the time the police arrived.         IN OTHER NEWS, The president at a news conference reported that the Beano seems to be working. He stated that he hasn't had a brain fart since he was on the Tonight Show. He also stated that he now can eat Broccoli for the first time since becoming president.

SIXTY TWO

Well here it is my Birthday, Yup, 62 years ago I poped my head out with a little help from the doctor and saw my new world for the first time. HELLO WORLD,IT'S BOBBY. You know I can't believe how fast the years have gone by and how things have changed. It seems like only yesterday my dad was asking me  to get up and change the channel on the tv and to move the rabbit ear antena so the picture would clear up. It was a big thing when he bought my mom a clothes dryer for Christmas so she wouldn't have to hang out the clothes in the winter.           I can imagine how my parents felt when we moved from our third floor apartment, with the karosine stove that was used for heat and cooking, to our house in the Darlington section of Pawtucket with central heat which ment no more running from the third floor to the basement and back to get more oil for the stove.          I wonder what change my kids will look back on when they turn sixty two. Honey. do you remenber when we used to carry those thing around? What were they called? OH, YA, CELL PHONES. YA,and we used to tex each other, how silly.         Well I guess that's what life is all about making memories so when we turn sixty two we can look back and say remember when soda cost a nickel and you'd get two cents for the bottle.

Good money?

Yesterday I while taking my walk I happened to look down and it was a bright shinny quarter. I started to bend down to pick it up but then I remembered a statement I heard on CSPAN. One of our elected officials said that it was like throwing good money after bad. Could this bright shinny quarter be bad money? What happens if you pick up bad money. I mean I never went in the store and had the clerk say Sorry Sir I can't except this dollar,  This is BAD MONEY. What if I pick it up and try to use it and the clerk get on the loud speaker and says, CODE GREEN AT REGISTER TWO, CUSTOMER WITH BAD MONEY. Then again if I leave it there maybe someone will throw some good money after it and there may be even more money there tomorrow.        As you can see I had quite a problem to deal with. One little voice said go ahead pick it up and the other said NO, leave IT there, it could be bad money. Pick it up? Leave it there. Pick it up? Leave it there. Could I have bad money in my pocket right now? OH MY GOD, WHAT DO I DO? Then it came to me, Pick the damn thing up and finish your walk. It's freezing out here.        Today my wife and I went to the store and she went up to the register to pay for a few items and she said Bob, do you have a quarter. You bet it do, let her get caught with this bad money. I'll be in the car. SEE YA!!

BEST JOB IN D.C.

I guess the best job in our nations capital is SHIT STIRRER, I mean all you have to do is sit around listening to the president and wait for him to have a slip of the tongue or have a brain fart and get it to the the SHIT SPREADERS who work for the media, they in turn get it on every news program, talk radio program and every news paper in the country but it all starts with the SHIT STIRRER.         The job that nobody wants is cleaning up after the SHIT SPREADERS do their job because it usually so wide spread that it hard to get your hands on. For this reason there are numerous openings for SHIT CLEANERS, who follow the SHIT SPREADS and try to undo the damage the SHIT SPREADERS do by enlisting the SHIT STIRRERS to counter the statements of the SHIT SPREADERS, but it all starts with the SHIT STIRRERS.

IN THE NEWS

IN THE NEWS, The White House reported to day that Air Force One lost cabin pressure over Philadelphia while taking the president for his appearance on the Tonight Show. This loss of pressure caused the president to experience a case of brain farts which unfortunately surfaced on the show. The statement that the president made with reference made to the Special Olympics was a result of one of these brain arts.          The White House spokesperson stated that the president was taken to Walter Reed Hospital for evaluation who reported that the effects were probably  temporary but could return at any time. He stated that the president  has been placed on high dose of Beano before speaking in public. H also stated that Mr Bush had experienced braing forts which could explain some of the president statements and may even be the reason the war in Iraq.         When  asked the president stated the his statement on the Tonight Show were very unfortunate but the does not remember say anything wrong and he is very sorry if he offended anyone.

MEMORIES

Yesterday I went for a walk at Slater Park in Pawtucket which brought back a lot of childhood memories. One of which was how when it snowed my father would load his 1950 panel truck up with all the kids in the neighborhood, with their sleds, and take us sledding up to Countryside Golf Course. The place would be packed with kids from all over and everyone got along and had a great time. One thing we would do is form a train. In the days before plastic sleds you could get on your sled and hook your feet in to the sled in back of you. we'd get like ten sleds hooked up and go down the hill. Some times we'd make it all the way to the bottom but other times we'd hit a bump and our feet would come unhooked and every we'd go in all direction which was probably more fun than getting all the way to the bottom.        Other memories came back to like fishing in the Ten Mile River, down by the rail road trestle in back of the Narragansett Race Track and the time we all brought something like a coin and put it in a glass jar and buried it in the sand bank. I'll have to take a walk some day to see if the sand bank is still there. It's all grown over now. I remember my father telling me how he used to trap Muskrats back there along the river.         As I was walking along the bike path over by the Carousal I could almost see my friends and I riding our bike over the little stone bridge and pulling up on the handle bars to make the front wheel come off the ground. COOL!!        I guess things were different back then. Kids were allowed to go out and play with out fear of being harmed. They were free to create their own fun and every one got along pretty well with out parent supervision. I think our childern are missing out on the best part of life, which is just being a kid having fun.

Tonight on the news it was reported that the news paper industry was in trouble and that a number of large papers had shut down. Can you imagine no morning paper? No walking out to the end of the driveway in my slippers and jammies on those cold winter mornings, no more waking my wife up when I rustle the paper , nothing to read with my morning coffee and worse of all nothing to read while taking my morning constitional.      How do you use your lap top while sitting on the john. Why do they call it a john? Anyways where was I? OH YEA, sitting on the john, no I'm not. I was talking about how do you read the news on your lap top while sitting on the john. It just don't seem natural. You know there is an advantage to reading the news paper on the john. Suppose you run out of toilet paper, try wiping you butt with your lap top, OUCH!!!! Where do you put it? You need a table to put it on. Maybe I should invent a kind of shelf that is spring loaded and mounts on the wall behind the toilet. When you need it you just pull it down and put your lap top on it and when you done it just goes back up against the wall. Hey I think I got some thing there. Maybe I'll make my first million.       I'm getting off track again, Yea, things just won't be the same without the morning paper. The you wives will probably wonder why your husbands are sleeping later. It's probably because your husband won't have to get up early to see your twenty year old neighbor go out in her under ware to get the paper at the end of her drive way then again maybe you wives like to get up early to see your twenty year old neighbor go out in his under ware to get the paper and your husband will wonder why your sleeping late.        Well support your local paper. Who knows you might move some day and with no old news papers what will you wrap your china in?

A MILLION BUCK, POCKET CHANGE.

What ever happened to the days when a million dollars was a lot of money? Today they talk in billions and trillions and one million sounds  like pocket change.         The other day they asked Barrack about the contract that was put out by the last administration, a couple of years ago, for new presidential helicopters, that already cost us two billion and we don't have one helicopter to show for it and guess what they canceled the contract so what about the two billion bucks we already paid to develop these presidential helicopters, I guess we can just kiss it good by. Hell it was only two billion bucks, chicken feed.         Today on the news AIG was handing out over about a hundred and sixty million in bonuses from the bail out money we gave them. What's a few million bucks from the couple of hundred billion we gave them. pocket change. Maybe they'll go out and by some new Cadillac and help out G.M. who also got a few billion from us tax payers.        So what can you buy for a million bucks today? I guess you could buy a bunch of useless stock from all these outfits we shoveling bailout money to or maybe about twenty Cadillacs at fifty grand a piece. You could retire on it as long as you don't plan on living more than twenty years and you have health insurance.       As for me I taking my thirteen dollars and buying Preparation H cause I know there's a lot of screwing yet to come and I want to be prepared.

Miracle drug

Well I thought I'd heard it all but to day after dropping my wife off at work, just doing my part, I heard a commercial on the radio for a product or a treatment to make your eye lashes grow longer and thicker. How many years of research and how much federal money went into developing this miracle product? I don't know how we lived with out it all these years. Looks like big layoffs at the mascara companies.         What this world coming to? People will actually go out and pay some so called hair specialist to make their eye lashes grow longer. It's bad enough they pay this guy good money to make their hair grow and then have to pay someone else twenty bucks to cut it every couple of weeks. I wonder what they get for an eye lash trim. YEA, PAL JUST TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE ENDS.        You know if your so worried about your eye lashes you don't need a hair specialist you need a shrink.

IN THE NEWS,

IN THE NEWS, The stimulus package was put on hold today after the Treasury Dept reported that the press used for printing currency had broken down and will remain out of order until the parts needed to fix the press comes in from China.            IN OTHER NEWS, Mr Obidiah Lipshits has file a law suite against himself after he slipped and fell on the steps he shoveled. Mr Lipshits stated that he is suing himself for injuries due to negligence on his part for not salting the steps after shoveling. Mr Lipshits will be representing himself in court.

IN THE NEWS,

IN THE NEWS, The stimulus package was put on hold today after the Treasury Dept reported that the press used for printing currency had broken down and will remain out of order until the parts needed to fix the press comes in from China.            IN OTHER NEWS, Mr Obidiah Lipshits has file a law suite against himself after he slipped and fell on the steps he shoveled. Mr Lipshits stated that he is suing himself for injuries due to negligence on his part for not salting the steps after shoveling. Mr Lipshits will be representing himself in court.