I can't take any more. If I hear one more weather report telling me it's snowing I'll go crazy. It's not like I can't look out the window and See it snowing and the roads are bad but they tell me every ten minutes. How did I survive the last 61 years with out their weather reports? Maybe we were smarter back then. We'd look out the window and say YUP, IT'S SNOWING OUT THERE, THE ROADS MUST BE BAD. I THINK I'LL STAY HOME TODAY.

      Another thing we did was we put SNOW tires on our car, not mud and snow, not all weather, SNOW TIRES, THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE MADE FOR, SNOW. they helped your car go in the snow and worked pretty good. but they couldn't do any thing about the intelligence of the guy behind the wheel which is a big part of the problem today. People can't figure out why they have to slow down when drive in adverse conditions so they just end up in a ditch some where, if your lucky they didn't take you with them.

    I think it's come to a point today that there is so much information that people can't function unless someone tells them what to do.Did you ever see a guy in the grocery store with the cell phone in his ear asking his wife do you want large or extra large eggs? I want to tell him, Damn it,just grab a dozen, the world won't  end if your wrong. there only freaken egg. Don't even ask if she wants white or brown.

   OH, well the plow just went by so it must be time to go shovel the drive way. Take it slow and be careful and don't ask, get the white eggs,they're cheaper.  

 

   

      

Fwd: Fw: The Egg, Orange and Lemon Unbelievable!!

Note: forwarded message attached.

           MERRY CHRISTMAS, to all who braved the weather, the hunt for a parking space, the walk from way out in the back corner of the lot in the blinding snow storm and the crowds of shoppers just to find just the right gift for your honey. I'm sure it was well worth it and you will be rewarded by the Christmas spirit, Max, who's job it is to reward people who put in that little extra effort to make sure their honey get just the right gift.

         If you never heard of Max it's because he rewards in ways that may seem small like giving you that break when your trying to cut into line of traffic. Yup, that was Max. He was also the guy in the grocery store that let you get in front of him in line cause you only had one item. Max comes in many forms.He could be the be the person who pulls your lottery number when your down to your last dollar, who knows when your reward will come, MAX KNOWS. So the next time someone does something nice for you just give him a little wink and say thanks Max. They may look a little confused but that's part of his disguise. 

kILLING TIME.S

           Well tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My wife and daughter are in the bed room wrapping gifts so I can't go to bed and it's 11pm so I guess I'll just sit here and keep you awake with me.I remember way back when I was about 12 years old and was old enough so we'd open our presents on Christmas Eve after mid night mass. My Aunt Millie and Uncle Art were usually there. Anyways my dad gives my mom this lamp.  Not just any lamp. This lamp would light up the top bulb and if you turned the switch again a glass globe in the middle of the lamp would light up. Hold on, if you turned the switch a third time both would light up. This was amazing. My brother and I never saw anything like this.

          Well it was getting late and my father decided to go to bed, big mistake on his part. Here we were sitting around, my brother and I with my mom and one of us, probably me, says I WONDER HOW THIS THING WORKS. Now I don't know why my mom let us do it, maybe she was busy cleaning up, but before you know it we had the lamp all apart on the floor with no idea how to put it back together.You could imagine what my father said the next morning. I don't know if I was Jesus Christ or God damn it but it took my father all day to put it back together.

           Lets see how they're doing, Still can't see my bed. Oh well, you didn't want to sleep tonight did you? Where was I? Oh ya, some Christmas' stand out more than others. One of the most rememberable,is that a word?,was when my kids were small. It was Christmas Eve and we had just finished super when the phone rings. My wife answers it and tells me that was Mrs Claus and that Santa would be paying us a visit. Ya, right. Well a little while later there's a knock on the door and you guested it, it was Santa and Mrs Claus. They had a present for each of my kids, just what they wanted too. I gave Santa a hug and thanked him but to this day we have no idea who he was. May be it was really Santa.

            How we doing in there? OK, they're almost done. How ya doing? I'm getting tired too. An other Christmas stands out too. It was 1967 and I was in Vietnam. I was assigned to a landing craft, YFU 68. Anyways there was only about ten guys on the boat and we had our own cook, Frank Crookes was his name. Well Frank cooked for three days,Imean he busted his butt so we'd have a good dinner. Any way we happened to be at Danang Christmas day and the other guys went to the club for a few drinks. Another guy and I had the duty. Frank tells them be back for dinner at six if your not here the whole meals going over the side. Well six comes and goes and frank tells us eat all you want cause the rest is going in the water and that's where it went. When they all came back drunk and hungry asking where's super he just pointed at the water and they missed the best meal I had in a long time.

           I guess they're about done so I'll let you go to bed now. Thanks for keeping me company. Hope you have a merry Christmas. Good night. 

 

 

 

IN THE NEWS.s

        In the news, according to our reliable source the president will be hospitalized over the holidays to have Dick Chaney's hand removed from his butt. Our source stated that the procedure is needed to reverse a procedure that was done 8 years ago prior to president Bush's inauguration. It seems the vice presidents hand was placed in Mr Bushes butt so the vice president could move the presidents mouth so he wouldn't say anything stupid.

        When asked the vice president stated that it will be nice to get his hand back so he can wipe his own butt again, a job that was reserved for Mr Bush. He appreciated Mr Bush's assistance in this matter and says he did a great job. 

      In other news, Santa stated at a news conference today that he will be retiring his reindeer's after his trip this year. He stated in an effort to help General Motors he will be using G.M.'s new $40,000 electric sleigh.

Fw: SANTA SIGHTING.

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Robert Davis <papa_d54@yahoo.com>
To: papa_d54@yahoo.com
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 8:51:57 PM
Subject: Fw: SANTA SIGHTING.

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Robert Davis <papa_d54@yahoo.com>
To: qtpie8601@aol.com
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 8:49:25 PM
Subject: SANTA SIGHTING.

         Last Sunday was a nice day so my wife said lets go to  the Christmas Tree Shop to pick up a few things. This is not my favorite place to go especially on a beautiful Sunday afternoon but I figured it would give me a chance to take the old heavy Chevy, my 1970 Impala, out for a cruise so off we went.You'll never guess what happened. We were cruising along at about 65mph and this silver pickup truck pulls up along side of me and guess who was driving it, Santa, red suite, white beard and all. He toots his horn and gives me a big thumbs up then off he went. My wife says he was just trying to tell me that I finally made it on his good list after 61 years but I figured he just liked my car.

        Anyways we got to the Christmas Tree Shop and I could tell right away thing hadn't changed when he sent of potpourri hit me then it all came back. All the women running around with carriages full of stuff that could only be sold at Christmas time when Christmas music brings on the what to buy uncle Oscar, who you haven't seen all year might show up for his tin of sugar cookies, panic.

       Ya, all the men are aimlessly cruising the isles with the blank look on their faces trying to find just one thing that might catch their interest but I know, being a veteran with many campaigns under my belt that it's just not going to happen. I think their purchasing agent must have been the wicked queen of the west in a previous life and hates men because there's not a damn thing in the whole store that any guy in his right mind would even want to look at and the fact that his wife is blowing their hard earned money on this stuff is driving him crazy. 

       Well , all in all things went pretty well. My wife got gifts for those relatives and stranger who show up once a year and the old heavy Chevy got a good work out and best of all we got to see Santa so it wasn't total loss. I hope my wife was right and I did make on his good list his year although with the price of oil ,coal may not be a bad gift after all.

in the news

          IN THE NEWS, It's been learned that according to our reliable source Santa was arrested last Sunday while attend church service. It seams that Santa had attended a chili and beer birthday party for Pedro the Mexican elf prior to going to church and in the middle of the sermon Santa tried to sneak one out and lets just say the results was any thing but holiday cheer. Our source stated that parishioners could be seen running from the church and the authorities call the EPA who showed up in HAZMAT suits.

         Santa  forced to strip down to his birthday suit and his clothes were placed in a protective container and the church had to be decontaminated. Santa was charged with releasing toxic fumes in a public place.  

        

pay attention

       Has anyone been paying attention to the news lately?  I'm not talking about the financial crisis or the price of gas.I'm talking about something much more important, the missile defense system we are to deploy in places like Poland, much too close to Russia who has started doing naval maneuvers around South America making stops in Venezuela , where they haven't had a presents in quite a few years and  plan to visit Panama.

       I'm afraid that this could be the start of a new cold war, maybe leading to something like the Cuban missile crisis or and attack on countries that accept these missiles.There has not been much publicity on this matter but on the news today the reported that there was a successful missile test where a missile intercepted an other missile.

      One question comes to mind, why are we putting missile defense systems in other countries? Are we the defender of the whole world? Have we become the world super hero?

       This is something that everyone should be watching. It could develop into something very serious in the near future.

IN THE NEWS.

        In the news, A new tax bill was voted on today the proceeds of which will be used to pay for repairs to our states highways. The new bill passed means every licensed driver in the state will be billed ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for speeding tickets they never received. According to a spokesperson for state the state does not have enough troopers to patrol it's highways so to recover the lost revenue from the traffic fines that should have been handed out the state Will be mailing tax bills to all licensed drivers. 

        In other news, Santa at a news conference yesterday stated that he won't be making his journey around the world on Christmas eve He stated that he has already ordered every thing on his list from various stores on line and they guarantee him they would be delivered on Christmas. If all goes according to plan he will be laying off his elves and retire to a warmer climate