In the news.

     In the news, the U.S. Postal service and the makers of Alpo dog food are teaming up this Christmas season in an attempt to get pets involve in the Christmas season. The postal service plans to offer a limited edition  flavored stamp. that's right, in beef, liver, chicken and tuna for you cat lovers, so pet owners can involve their pets in sending Christmas cards. All you have to do is write the cards, stick it in the envelope and call your pet to come over to lick the stamp, a job nobody enjoys. They'll love it and come running with their tongues hang out and one quick swipe on their tongue and mission accomplished. They'll be begging for more..

     A spokesperson for the Postal Service stated that the stamps will be available on December 1st, demand for the stamps will be high because this will be a one time offer so get to your post office early . The postmaster general has ordered door to open at 4am so people can get them before going to work.

 

    In other news, Donald Rumsfeld, after loosing his job as Secretary of Defense has taken a job as Santa Claus at the Mall of America. According to our reliable source it only to tide him over till his checks start coming in from his Haliburton profit sharing account.

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My annual trip to the Christmas Tree Shop

      Well last night I did it, I went to the place husbands have dreaded for years. They spend many sleepless nights trru out the year in anticipation of the annual trip to the Christmas Tree Shop. This is a place filled with stuff that is of no interest at all to men so we are doomed to wander aimlessly for hours while our wives roam the isles looking for bargains, those special gifts for the people we only see once a year, who show up at Christmas with a gift you'll never use that they probably bought at the Christmas Tree Shop. 

      This year I set down one rule, leave the check book at home. This way we can still keep our house, for a while anyways. So off we went, my wife and her friend Carol, her daughter and yours truly. The first thing you have to prepare yourself for is the heavy smell of potpourri which hits you as soon as you enter the store. Why anyone would want their house to smell like that is beyond me. I guess if your husband has a case of the elephant farts it would come in handy.Anyway the next thing you run into is Christmas decorations, all kinds of stuff all made in China. This is where I usually start to wander. I head for the toys, there has to be something there to keep me amused for a while. It don't take much. After playing with anything that makes a noise, reading the childrens books, you'd be suprised at what you can learn, I decide to see what my wife is up to, besides I was getting some strange looks 

       Finding your wife in a store is harder than it sounds. I think it's a game they play, you can go up and down every isle in the store and not find her and then you turn around and POOF, there she is. If your lucky she's ready to go. Now where's Carol? Oh, she's waiting for a bench. A bench? I'll see if Ican find her, wait here. After 20 minutes, no Carol. Ok, you get in line to pay I'll check the car and low and behold there's Carol sitting on a bench by the door. Hey Joann, here they are. Oh you said you'd be waiting on the bench. I thought you said you were waiting for a bench. .

      Well what's important is I survived another annual trip to the Christmas Tree Shop, it wasn't so bad. I got to play with some cool stuff and my wife, Corol and her daughter had fun and with no chech book I get to keep my house. It could be a Merry Christmas after all. 

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On the news.

      On the news tonight was two interesting issues, First the call to bring back the draft. This I agree with 100% although it probably never happen. Why do we need the draft?  The draft involves everyone in the decision on weather to go to war or not. Do you think we'd be in this mess if there was a draft when our illustrious president ask for the power to take us to war? Not likely, and what would have happened when the people found out we went to war on bad information? We'd probably have a new president today. There's other reasons too, like our military being too small and it relies on hi tech too much and the fact that some of our volunteers have done 2 or 3 tours in a combat, even if our military don't consider it a combat zone so they can use females in combat situations.

      The other issue was Iran calling on Iraq and Syria to talk about the situation in Iraq. Iran could solve the problem in no time. All they have to do is stop supplying weapons and training to the insurgents who are killing our people and the Iraqi civilians, 90% of the violence would stop immediately.Besides if they solve the problem they'll make the United States look like crap and they'll come out smelling like a rose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On a mission.

       My wife and I went to a craft store today and every item I picked up was made in China. You name it, porcelain figures, artificial flowers, ribbon, you name it. Now I was on a mission to find a made in American tag. There was tree people, made from little artificial pine branches with plastic heads, nope, china. Tee shirts, iron on pictures for tee shirts, still no tag. I'm not giving up now, bows, yarn and lots of stuff I don't know why anyone would use it but no tag. Don't we make anything in this great country?

      Then I saw it, on a table in the middle of the isle. I walked over with great anticipations, sweaty palms and all. This has to be it. Yes, there's the tag I've been searching for. I was so excited I had to call my wife over to show her, Joann, Joann, look, it's made in America. The USA, look right here, stuck right here on this bag of Pine Cone. They were probably picked by illegal aliens by they were made right here in the good old U.S. of A. YEA..

      I guess my wife wasn't the only one who heard me cause upon leaving I saw another woman go over and pick up the bag of Pine Cones and smile. Maybe she was on a mission too. Now I know how George Bush felt, Mission Acomplished

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Christmas Blitz

       Get ready, Thanksgiving is just around the corner and you know what that means? Yup, the Christmas blitz will soon be here. You know it comes earlier every year. The stores are already decorated and the sales have begun but the big push doesn't come till after Thanksgiving that's when the Christmas music begins. Oh yea, one chorus of White Christmas and let the games begin. Early Bird sale, doors open at 6am, don't miss it, the night owl  sales, open till midnight and of coarse the open 24 hour sales, the doors never close, shop till you drop. This sale is only for the hard core shoppers, no armatures allowed.

      What is it about Christmas music? It just make people go crazy, put Jingle Bells on the radio and Eskimo's will be buying Air Conditioners in December. I already got a set of ear plugs for my wife that I plan to insert Thanksgiving night while she's sleeping. I know it's cheating but she'll just think she's deaf till after Christmas then it'll be like  miricle when she wakes up Christmas morning and her hearing back. Look how happy she'll be. OOPS, I'll have to remember not to send her this E mail of my plan will be spoiled.

     

    

       

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Happy Veterans Day.

   Happy Veterans Day to all who served. Some of us volunteered to serve to beat the draft, some were drafted but served proudly and today our military is made up of all volunteers. No matter how you came to serve it was an experience we'll never forget. Our lives were changed forever, Boys who grew up on farms in the mid west and never saw the ocean ended up in the navy.Some found themselves in combat just months after graduating high school.

    Some things we never forget. Crazy times we spent with our buddies thousands of mile from home, standing watch in the middle of the night thinking of home and family. I know the song Sitting on the dock on the bay brings me back to my boat in Vietnam in 1968. I'm sure that just about every veteran has some thing that they hear or see that brings them right back to those day. Did you ever sit down and talk to your grand father or your father, I bet they can talk about their service like it was yesterday.

    So happy Veterans Day to all my fellow veterans, here's to the good times and the bad and to the families who waited for our return.  

      

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Cold turkey.

     Here it is 6:30pm, I've been home three and a half hours and not one phone call, not one political add on TV, no ads for question 1 for the casino, I can't take it. How can they do that too us? For months and months they bombard us with advertisements, phone call , election day comes and then nothing. they expect us to go cold turkey.

    Now all we get is experts(so called) telling us what happened and why. On top of that Rumsfeld resigns and we have to hear the experts talk about that for the next month. Give me a good old mud slinging, name calling character assassinating, political ad any day.

    Oh great, they are extending the NBC nightly news so they can tell me the same thing they've been saying all day again. Analyze this, where's that damn cartoon network? What a country, only about 35% of elligable voters took time to vote so I guess they have to tell the other 65% what happened, like they really care. They were probably watching the cartoon network while the rest of us were voting.

     How do our kids watch this stuff? Where's Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, the Road Runner? What's with all this violence? Let try another channel, here's a good one, Fosters Home of Imaginary Friends. You gota be kidding me. How do parents let their kids watch this stuff. I guess it's better than politics. I think I'll go do something constructive like cleaning the green stuff out of the refrigerator. NA, some of that green stuff is just getting good.

   

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IN THE NEWS

     In the news, John Kerry apologized for his remark today stating that his statement about studying and get good grades or you'll end up in Iraq was do to a Flash Back to his Vietnam day when there was a draft and mostly poor, non college students fought the war while People like Dick Chaney, who got five deferments to dodge the war, stayed home. He also stated that he has the highest reguard for our soldiers, who have volunteered to serve and protect our country and are the most educated, best trained millitary in the world.

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