Saturday, March 31, 2007

In the news, the jokes on George.

        In the news,in an unusual move, the Democrats plan to present the Iraqi spending bill to the president tomorrow, April 1st. Senate Majority leaded, Reid was heard saying, Boy, we really got George going, he really thinks we're serious about the dead line to pull the troops out, HA HA HA. We'll get all the press to show up and then we'll give him the bill and say, HA HA, April fools day.Will he feel dumb.
       In other news, The town of Smithfield, R.I. has passed a law making it Illeagal to walk your fish with out a leash. That's right, if you plan to take your fish for a walk in Smithfield, R.I., make sure it's on a leash or you may have to paya fine of $100.  


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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Happy Birthday to me

          Well tomorrow I'll be 60 years old. Happy Birthday to me.It don't seem possible. I know what my parents were doing in June of 46, making me, Thanks Mom and Dad, hope you had a great time.
         I don't feel 60 years old but how does 60 feel? Does it feel different than 59 or 48? I guess feeling old creeps up on you and you don't realize your old till one day you wake up and look in the mirror and see some old guy looking back at you. HOLY CRAP, is that me? Damn, I'm old. What happened? Is there a fairy, like the tooth fairy, that comes in the middle of the night and sprinkles magic dust on you and POOF, your old?
        I can't complain, outside of a few, well a lot, of morning afters I've had a good life. Hell I grew up in the 50's and 60's. Rock and Roll and Muscles Cars. A special time in history like no other. Anyways Happy Birthday to me, hope I have many more. I'm retiring this year and want to get all I can out of the state pension fund.
      Thanks to all my friends who came to my party Saturday. It's nice to know I had so many great friends. I hope I get to come to your 60th party.    


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Friday, March 23, 2007

Flip Flop.

       It's that time again, the weather getting warm, the birds are chirping and people are wearing Flip Flops. Maybe it's just me but I hate those damn things. Sandals are bad enough but at least they look half way decent. Even Jesus wore sandals but I think he'd draw the line at Flip Flops. You want me to walk on water wearing those things, Yea, sure.  
       Feet are the ugliest part of the human body, why would you want to put them right out there where every one can see them?Yea, some of you paint your toe nails but it don't help. Did you ever hear a guy say to his friend, Hey look at that babe over there, what a body and look at those feet. Those toes really turn me on. If you did you'd think there was some thing wrong with them. I bet you girls just love to see a big muscular guy in a Speedo and Flip Flops. They really make the man.
      How many time have you stubbed your toes and trip while wearing those things? That's real sexy, Oh, God damn, Son of a b###, that hurts as you go hopping on one foot with everyone laughing at you and that big bandage on you big to is really sexy.
      I guess they do have a purpose, they great in the shower to prevent slipping and to prevent Athletes foot but but as every day foot wear, give me a break. Cover up those feet, maybe the can make sox with a little slot next to the big toe, kind of like a foot thong, to wear with Flip Flops.That would be cool.I think I've got something there.
    How do you think the got their name, could it be the stupid noise they make while your walking? Don't even try to sneak in the house late thinking you parents are sleeping, their a sure give away. Is that you dear? What time is it? 2am, where have you been?YOUR GROUNDED!!!!!
       Another thing that get too me is these people that wear pajama bottom out in public but that for another time, I still got naked feet in my mind. 
         


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Monday, March 19, 2007

Where were they?

         We've started our 5th year in Iraq and there were protest across the country. Where were these people 5 years ago when  the president was given the permission to go to war? Where were they when no Weapons of Mass Destruction were found? Where were they when no nuclear program was found? The big question is where were they before over 3.000 of our soldiers were killed and thousands were wounded?
        True to form when it's political correct people speak up.When the truth came out that we went to war on altered information there was no big uproar. Our politicians made up excuses to cover the reason they voted yes on the resolution to go to war even though you would have to be a moron the think Sadam had all these WMD's. In the mean time we destroyed a country, thousand of Iraqi civilians have been killed and now they are in a civil war not to mention the damage we've done to the whole middle east.
         All this in the name of the Global War on Terror. In Vietnam it was to stop the spread of communism They always have a good reason but when it comes down to it, Money is the route of all evil.
        The question is now, Do we pull out now or stay and try to straighten out the mistake we've made by going along with our president?  
        


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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Ever wonder?

      Ever wonder, Do they have special classes in medical school to teach students how to stick their finger up a patients butt? Ok class, pick a partner and drop your pants.
      Who came up with that brilliant idea? Hey doc, I got this problem with my butt. No problem, I'll just stick my finger up there and see what I can find. Yea, right, your going to put your finger where? I'm not going to fall for that one again. How dumb do I look? What are you going to tell me next, your going to put a camera up there? No way !!!! 
      Now I bet all the male student sign up for the breast exam class. Tell me again, what am I feeling for? Just one more minute, I'm almost there. I mean done.
     I wonder if they have to practice on different size breasts and who volunteers to be examined? Maybe it's posted on the bulletin board at the student union next to the room mate want postings. Volunteers needed, free breast exams. Size doesn't matter, call Professor Pheelgood at 8536.
    Imagine, people pay to lean this stuff, but why would anyone pay to stick their finger up another persons butt? Why would a doctor think of it in the first place? Strange.  
     
        
      
    
       
    


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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

In the news, Belly Butts

       In the news, the Human Development Association Announced today that a study shows that men start developing their buttocks around the age of 40 and that it usually shows up on their stomach, known as a Belly Butt. According to their spokesperson, this is the reason that most men have no butts and big bellies by the age 50. He stated that in April of 2007 the first buttocks transplant will be attempted at Boston General Hospital. If all goes well men will have the option of moving their buttocks to where the belong. Mr Harry Longfellow, the first person to undergo a butt transplant stated he can't wait ti see his feet again and with his butt in back where it belong he won't need to sit on a pillow anymore to see over the dash board of his car. 
        


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